Within the Throes of Motherhood

Motherhood. It’s enough to break you and put you back together in the very same breath, isn’t it?

It’s the thing that I always circle back to being the biggest priority in my life, next to my relationship with God and my husband. Every time I’ve become too overwhelmed in my life, I’ve had to let something go. I’ve been called to let things go, because I cannot possibly do everything I desire to do. I have let go of business after business, and website after website. I have faithfully stepped away from things I love to hold onto, to be more present with the people I’ve been given to love.

If there’s anyone on the planet who tries to do it all, it’s me. Maybe it’s you, too.

  • keep the house tidy AND clean
  • cook every meal from scratch, with wholesome ingredients
  • cloth diaper
  • use natural remedies and cleaning solutions
  • run a business
  • serve others
  • read your bible
  • spend time with your husband
  • get enough sleep
  • wake up before your kids
  • take a nap
  • discipline children
  • organize and execute social plans
  • don’t spend too much money
  • lesson plan
  • spend one-on-one time with each of your kids
  • teach lessons
  • play with your kids
  • exercise
  • spend time with friends
  • make sure your kids spend time with friends
  • does the list ever end?

The list doesn’t seem to ever end, and within the list is just more…lists. The lists are full of the many responsibilities constantly tugging for my attention.

So I get organized, and I try to find another rhythm to follow. I remind myself that my worth isn’t found in what I can check off in boxes next to a to-do list. I am raising arrows, children that I am shaping in the little and big moments of each and everyday. I am raising up my children in the way which they will go, in hopes they will not depart from it when they are grown. I am their first example of Jesus, and that has to be my priority until the calling of motherhood fades. I’m anticipating that doesn’t ever truly happen, and I’m hopeful for the relationships I am building the foundations of now.

The throes of motherhood is not where I am called to live, as a child of God. The enemy might think he can keep me there, but it’s God who fills my soul with truth and love, mercy and grace. It’s God who sustains me. It’s God who changes my heart. It’s God who is the only one powerful enough to take me from the throes of motherhood and seat me peacefully back where I belong.

In those moments when I find the seeds of my heart jumping off my sleeve, I will plant them here and hope the ones I leave behind will take root in your heart, too.

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